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One of my first coaches pointed out something I had never considered: my perfectionism. I was surprised. Me, a perfectionist? I always thought it was a good thing—a sign that I cared about doing things properly. But as we dug deeper, I realised that my need to be perfect was actually holding me back.
Interestingly, perfectionism didn’t show up in every aspect of my life, which made it even harder to spot. I had always seen myself as laid-back and even a bit messy in some situations. However, in certain areas of my work and personal life, the drive for perfection was quietly but powerfully at play. It wasn’t just about doing well; it was about being afraid to fail, constantly worrying about getting everything just right, and avoiding risks that might lead to mistakes. This realisation changed how I approached my work and life.
As a coach, I see many clients struggling with this same challenge. Perfectionism can deeply affect both personal and professional growth.
Why Are We Perfectionists?
Perfectionism often starts early. Many of us were taught that being perfect was the way to get praise, approval, or even love. We might have grown up believing that our worth depended on our achievements. Society reinforces this by celebrating success and rarely showing the imperfect, messy process behind it.
At its core, perfectionism is about fear—fear of failing, fear of being judged, or fear of not being good enough. This fear can become so strong that we start to think our value depends on being perfect. We set impossible standards for ourselves, and when we can’t meet them, we feel like we’ve failed.
The Downsides of Perfectionism
While striving for excellence is natural, perfectionism can actually hold us back:
Procrastination: We might delay tasks because we’re scared we won’t do them perfectly.
Burnout: Always trying to be perfect can leave us exhausted and overwhelmed.
Stagnation: Perfectionism can stop us from trying new things or taking risks, which are crucial for growth.
Strained Relationships: Expecting perfection from ourselves and others can put stress on our relationships.
Finding the Right Balance: Excellence vs. Perfectionism
It’s important to acknowledge that perfectionism isn’t entirely negative. The drive to excel, to aim for high standards, can be a powerful motivator. But it’s about finding the right balance—where striving for excellence doesn’t cross the line into unhealthy obsession.
Perfectionism can have positives, such as attention to detail, a strong work ethic, and a commitment to quality. However, balance is key. It’s essential to know when to push for that extra mile and when to accept that "good enough" is indeed good enough.
How to Know When to Push for That Extra Mile
Recognising when to push harder and when to ease off is crucial for both personal and professional success:
Listen to Your Inner Voice: Is the drive to push harder coming from fear, or is it genuinely necessary to achieve your goal? If it’s the latter, it might be time to push through.
Assess the Stakes: Consider what’s at stake. If the situation demands high performance, it might be worth going the extra mile. But if the stakes are lower, conserving energy for more important tasks could be wiser.
Evaluate Your Resources: Do you have the time, energy, and resources to go further? If pushing harder leads to burnout or diminishes the quality of other important areas of your life, aim for "good enough."
Reflect on Past Experiences: Think back to times when you pushed yourself. Was the extra effort worth it? Use these insights to guide your decision.
Get Feedback: An outside perspective can help you see things more clearly. Ask a trusted friend, colleague, or coach for their opinion on whether you should push harder or if it’s time to let go.
Overcoming Perfectionism: Practical Tips
Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Here are some tips that can help:
Learn from Mistakes: Start seeing mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures.
Set 'Good Enough' Goals: Aim for "good enough" instead of perfection. Ask yourself, “What’s the minimum I need to do to consider this a success?”
Find Beauty in Imperfection: Embrace the idea that things don’t need to be perfect to be valuable.
Allow Time to Fail: Set aside time to try new things without worrying about the outcome.
Just Start: If you find yourself overthinking, count down from five and then just start.
Be Kind to Yourself: When you catch yourself being critical, ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Treat yourself with the same kindness.
Is Perfectionism Helping or Holding You Back?
Perfectionism can keep us from reaching our full potential. But by letting go of the need to be perfect, we can open ourselves up to new opportunities and a more fulfilling life.
If you’re interested in exploring this topic further, I highly recommend Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, which offers profound insights into embracing imperfection and living authentically. Additionally, Carol S. Dweck’s Mindset: The New Psychology of Success is an excellent resource for understanding how perfectionism can hinder growth and how to cultivate a more resilient mindset.
So, I’d like to ask you:
Where in your life are you holding onto perfectionism, and how is it affecting you?
How do you decide when to push that extra mile, and when to accept that good enough is truly good enough?
If you’re interested in exploring this topic further or if you feel that perfectionism is holding you back in your personal or professional life, I invite you to get in touch.
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